"Roller Coaster Ride to Righteousness"
I'm sure we've all been to a fair or theme park and ridden a rollercoaster. We hold back our fear of the unknown before getting on. Yet it's that very fear that builds an excitement to continue to ride anyway. Once it takes off, our hearts are racing and at times the fear can be overwhelming. But no matter how terrified we were we get in line to ride again!!! That's how life can be. As for me I tend to chase that fearful excitement, yet I find myself so caught up in the moment, I block out the lows ahead. And in those lows on this ride I turn to my release....alcohol and drugs.
Well, I've been on this rollercoaster for over 20 years knowing the outcome, yet I continue purchasing tickets for another ride, at times budging in line. Today I choose to make a stand and no longer ride anymore! Besides, I'm terrified of heights! (Lol) We all have fears of the unknown, speaking for myself that's my greatest fear! I know God has been on that rollercoaster with me all my life, not for the ride but He was there begging me to get off! There have been times I've heeded His voice, all the while still holding tight to my tickets to ride it again!
OK enough of my analogies. What I'm getting at is I can honestly say...."I've NEVER pursued God whole heartedly!" For I believe before man can pursue God, God must first have sought the man. We pursue God only because He has put the desire in us to do so. (John 6:44-No man can come to me,except the Father which hath sent Me draw him.") Our desire to pursue God originates with God. And all the while we're pursuing Him, He already holds us in His hand. And although we sense His call we still fail to draw near to Him! You see the veil in the temple was torn when Christ was crucified,yet we still uphold the unborn veils covering our hearts. In turn this shuts Him out, thus not allowing His light and life to shine forth in our hearts and lives. Our veil is our fleshly nature living on apart from Him. It's that veil of Self life unacknowledged by us, leaving us secretly ashamed and full of guilt. Emotionally, we may live so long under this guilt and condemnation that the very idea of ever being totally free becomes a threat to us! And until we fully give our ALL to God there will always be a battle raging within our hearts!!! .........and therein lies my struggle!Corey